Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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