Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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