A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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