I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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