Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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