After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
