Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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