new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
