Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
