my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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