Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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