end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
