Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
