I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
