So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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