I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate all girls vehemently.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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