I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
