I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize