god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
