Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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