You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
