I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
