You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
