If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
