I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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