you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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