The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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