My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
