new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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