Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize