You just made me feel so damn special
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
