i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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