I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
