You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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