i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
