if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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