This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
