Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
