I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
