do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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