I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
