My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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