I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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