Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
