I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will pee on everything he values.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
