This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
