u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
