erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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