I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
