I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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