I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
