It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
