My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and i looked up. we had an audience...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
