Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
