he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
