he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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