there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.