having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
