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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.