That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.