Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
