??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
