just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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