Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you had me at cake vodka
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
