So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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